sling diaries - memory

 

You have always known me. From the moment that your cells were dividing and bone and muscle were creaking into existence, you and I were one. And as my body swelled and surrendered to your creation I sang to you. Whispered words in quiet spaces, raw and husky melodies belted out to thumping bass lines, gentle tunes to accompany Papa's guitar. I sang you into being. Through a wall of flesh and warmth my voice was carried to you. Accompanied by the rhythmic beat of my heart you heard my song; my voice.

You greeted us not in the gentle, peaceful way I had dreamt of; bathed in sweet lullabies and the light steeped with hush and calm. Instead there were bright lights and cold, sterile air; freezing yet stifling. My heart shattered in parts a little that day. For the awkwardness, the distress, for the way it was supposed to be.  However, watching you write your story each day with all its milky cuddles, chubby thighs and  inky lashes has softened the sharp edges of my memory of that day; your birth day.  The clinicism, the rawness now erased leaving behind all but the brilliance of your arrival into this world. It was the way it had to be and for the many helping hands who ensured your unscathed passage to me I will be eternally thankful.

Your cries echoed the four walls of that room and magnified my yearning to hold you ten fold. I glimpsed your squirming pink body from afar and guttural cries poured from a well deep within me drowning out your own.  Flannelette wrapped you were brought to me.  With a dry throat and wet eyes I sing songed your name over and over and from a secret place hidden in your being the tip of remembrance began to take seed. My voice soothed you. Your contorting ceased and the muscles in your round face softened. With full lips closed your breath, warm and soft against my face, quietened. A brain unaware of time or space or existence yet so capable of memory. A connection so deep, so strong that tone and timbre alone could penetrate your grey matter and fuse.  A note so pure and true so as to ignite all learning itself.

In the dark of night I find you and in hushed tones shoo away shadowey demons. As before, you soften as the lilt of my voice carries you away to lands of peace and beauty. Our breathing synchronises and the vibration of sounds swirl about us enveloping us in knowing - we are one.

May you hear my song within you as you journey this great world and may it ever soothe you my beloved.

Mumma x

I am wearing Remy in the Sakura Bloom Simple Silk Sling in Pebble. 

Photos taken by our beautiful, generous friend Tim Coulson.