5 Jun 2013

sling diaries - memory





 



You have always known me. From the moment that your cells were dividing and bone and muscle were creaking into existence, you and I were one. And as my body swelled and surrendered to your creation I sang to you. Whispered words in quiet spaces, raw and husky melodies belted out to thumping bass lines, gentle tunes to accompany Papa's guitar. I sang you into being. Through a wall of flesh and warmth my voice was carried to you. Accompanied by the rhythmic beat of my heart you heard my song; my voice.

You greeted us not in the gentle, peaceful way I had dreamt of; bathed in sweet lullabies and the light steeped with hush and calm. Instead there were bright lights and cold, sterile air; freezing yet stifling. My heart shattered in parts a little that day. For the awkwardness, the distress, for the way it was supposed to be.  However, watching you write your story each day with all its milky cuddles, chubby thighs and  inky lashes has softened the sharp edges of my memory of that day; your birth day.  The clinicism, the rawness now erased leaving behind all but the brilliance of your arrival into this world. It was the way it had to be and for the many helping hands who ensured your unscathed passage to me I will be eternally thankful.

Your cries echoed the four walls of that room and magnified my yearning to hold you ten fold. I glimpsed your squirming pink body from afar and guttural cries poured from a well deep within me drowning out your own.  Flannelette wrapped you were brought to me.  With a dry throat and wet eyes I sing songed your name over and over and from a secret place hidden in your being the tip of remembrance began to take seed. My voice soothed you. Your contorting ceased and the muscles in your round face softened. With full lips closed your breath, warm and soft against my face, quietened. A brain unaware of time or space or existence yet so capable of memory. A connection so deep, so strong that tone and timbre alone could penetrate your grey matter and fuse.  A note so pure and true so as to ignite all learning itself.

In the dark of night I find you and in hushed tones shoo away shadowey demons. As before, you soften as the lilt of my voice carries you away to lands of peace and beauty. Our breathing synchronises and the vibration of sounds swirl about us enveloping us in knowing - we are one.

May you hear my song within you as you journey this great world and may it ever soothe you my beloved.

Mumma x

I am wearing Remy in the Sakura Bloom Simple Silk Sling in Pebble. 

Photos taken by our beautiful, generous friend Tim Coulson.





27 comments:

  1. You write so beautifully Steph, connecting words in such a poetic way. Thank you for sharing this memory with us. Gorgeous photos, that second one of Remy, my doesn't he look like his Dad! Wishing you warmth on this cool day today. xx

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  2. this is so beautiful. it brought tears to my eyes. i think that the moment when you child first hears your voice from outside of the womb needs to be one of the most magical moments.

    and you are both lovely in all these photos.

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  3. stunning. such beauty in this post..x

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  4. Beautiful photos and a wonderful story. So many similarities in our babe's deliveries. He came from you, but my, he looks like his Papa

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  5. So so beautiful Steph. You made me cry just thinking about what a special bond a Mumma has to her babes x

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  6. wow. this is unbelievably beautiful. I can't wait to read your future Sling Diary entries. xx

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  7. Gorgeous Steph.. That second photo is just divine. Sam xx

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  8. Such lovely words, felt it by heart as if it is my own story. And the pictures are just beautiful, so full of love and warmth.
    Thanks for sharing!

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  9. these photos of you and your boy are gorgeous x

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  10. He has your eyes Mumma Steph :) Isn't the love we have for our babies amazing - Indescribable... My dear Steph you have done justice with your words in describing that LOVE and bond.

    Sophie xo

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  11. Oh Steph, your words made me cry... What a divine entry, and how truly wonderful to see that rich and deep relationship between you and your boy xo

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  12. Tears here, too. Your words are so beautiful and true. So glad to find your blog, it`s new to me but so delighting.
    I wish you sweetest days with your little prince.

    Lotta

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  13. Tears here, too. I`m so glad I found this space of yours, heartwarming and inspiring, and oh so beautiful. Thank you!
    I wish you sweet days with your little prince.

    Lotta

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  14. Stunning photos and wonderful words. Very, very glad to have discovered this blog. Please keep writing :)

    Katie | Loverly She

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  15. You are a beautiful writer and it's just so obvious- a beautiful momma and person too! I love this. :)

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  16. I hope my children hear my song too as they journey though this beautiful life....what a truly beautiful thought and wish for your children.

    Everything you write moves and inspires me. xo

    Sarah

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  17. These photos are gorgeous and your words are divinely beautiful x

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  18. oh the tears are flowing!

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  19. I love all of this! The photos are incredible. x

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  20. That Tim is just a superstar - such gorgeous, gorgeous images. I think the whole blogisphere is a little bit in love with that boy. x

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  21. i just love the colours in those photographs, grey, black and sand; and the strong sentiments beautifully put. makes you forget the sling diaries are adverts!

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  22. Your words are a love song to that lucky baby
    Stunning matching of words with images too

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  23. Steph, my words can't even describe how beautiful this post is... how much it speaks of a mother's love and how truly touching your poetic words are xx

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  24. The way you beautifully string together your words never cease to amaze me Steph, I can feel your heart in your words and the love for your child. The beautiful grey Illawarra sea is the perfect backdrop for your words. Much love to you all. x

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  25. These photos are so, so beautiful! And the words even more so … x

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Your words brighten my day! Thank-you so much for joining me on my adventure. x